I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
