can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
