Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
