My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
