Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
