the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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