I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
