You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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