dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
