after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Ketchup is God's man juice
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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