Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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