normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
