This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
