i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
