All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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