Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
