I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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