Sry I called you an 8
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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