Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
