and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
