Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
