i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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