he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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