Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
