I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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