I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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