No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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