..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
