he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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