Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
