i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
