We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
