i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
