that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
