Your face is a jimmy john
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
