I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
