I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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