Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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