you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
