She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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