Pants 0. Shit 1.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
