just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
