Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
