god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
