I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
