I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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