my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
