when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
