they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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