Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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