There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
