Kiss
Puke
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
