We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Mom said you looked used
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
