I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
